I've been quiet for awhile... I just didn't have anything to say.
"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1.
I find myself not knowing how to pray sometimes (a lot of time), because if I pray for someone to live, and they die, does that appear as God doesn't answer prayers? If I pray for something good to happen to me, and that comes at the expense of someone else, is that really God's will? I've learned through seeking, that prayer was never meant to give us what we want. It was meant to be a conversation. To talk about what hurts, to ask for and receive His love and support, to know more of His will, to seek Him whole-heartedly. In the end, that is what we want, whether we see it or understand it or not. Love. If the whole world sought Him with their whole heart, we'd still be broken, accidents would still happen in our less than perfect free will world, but we would all have, give, be love. The choice has always been ours.
Relevant books I've enjoyed in wrestling with faith and reason:
"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1.
There is a season for Oreos, and a season for jogging (article by Mary Katherine Backstrom).
I've been answering questions from Harper (5 years old) about Mary (virgin birth), about Jesus (miracle maker), and about God ("How did God think to make people who are alive?"). Kaylie is now 15. I've said before that she has caused me to grow-up every bit as much as I've tried to raise her. Through being "mom", God has shown me so much of what unconditional love means, what giving our children free will means, how betrayal hurts and how real love fills us up beyond any other measure ever conceived.
The Lord has planted seeds in my heart for so long; whispers of love, revelations of His presence, and outright warmth of the Holy Spirit. In every quiet moment, as we toil in our daily routines, the Lord is with us, through every stubbed toe, every lost child, every missing dog, every broken dish and broken promise of our human hearts.
"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13.
If I seek anything half-heartedly, I end up unsatisfied and critical.
I find myself not knowing how to pray sometimes (a lot of time), because if I pray for someone to live, and they die, does that appear as God doesn't answer prayers? If I pray for something good to happen to me, and that comes at the expense of someone else, is that really God's will? I've learned through seeking, that prayer was never meant to give us what we want. It was meant to be a conversation. To talk about what hurts, to ask for and receive His love and support, to know more of His will, to seek Him whole-heartedly. In the end, that is what we want, whether we see it or understand it or not. Love. If the whole world sought Him with their whole heart, we'd still be broken, accidents would still happen in our less than perfect free will world, but we would all have, give, be love. The choice has always been ours.
Relevant books I've enjoyed in wrestling with faith and reason:
The Shack by William P. Young
The Case for Faith by Lee Strobel
Inspired: Slaying Dragons, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again by Rachel Held Evans
Inspired: Slaying Dragons, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again by Rachel Held Evans
